So you're going to be a Dad

OK so you’re going to be a Dad........this could be the most daunting time of your life but whatever happens it will be amazing and very probably the most important thing you will ever do.

Your child is your legacy. At the end of your life, what really mattered? Your jobs? Your rugby team? A lot of you will return to memories of that small, warm fretful body dangling on a shoulder in the middle of the night, as you struggled to hum another tune. Tough times, but also great times.

And you start with a big advantage. Remember you are a hero. Everyone loves a good dad, especially YOUR child.

When a baby is born, fathers are just as responsible for the child as the mother is. Research clearly shows that the positive involvement of fathers right from the start is crucial. Also when childbirth professionals engage with fathers, it makes a huge difference to the mother and baby.

And although there seems to be plenty of information and advice for Mums-to-be, you don’t hear so much about what it’s like for the expectant Dad.

Dads-to-be go on a journey themselves; pregnancy for them can be a time of incredible change too. There’s so much that, as a man, you’re never really told. So much that you simply don’t know how to deal with.

Mums-to-be have hormones and instinct and the whole of human evolution to help them cope with those extraordinary nine months – we just have to make it up as we go along…

Perhaps you don’t feel all that great right now. Don’t worry – you are not alone. Maybe you are confused and feel you lack knowledge about all the changes occurring, or anxious about money. That’s not surprising. Being a dad is a juggling act. We want to earn enough to keep our families, but we also want time to enjoy being dads. For most of us, getting the balance right seems impossible, especially as there are no ground rules.

There is no 'right way' these days to be a dad. You have to choose your own way. What might feel right for the dad next door, may not feel right for you. That means you have to believe in yourself and trust your instincts. You know more than you think you do!!

And it’s OK to make mistakes – they don’t make you a bad dad. We all know men and women are different, but research shows that both mums and dads are ham-fisted at first. Typically, dads learn just as fast as mum, if they are given the chance. Research shows that we males can be just as sensitive to our baby’s cries as women; and, like mothers, can come to recognize our babies blindfold, by the touch and shape of their hands.

If antenatal services direct all discussions and information to your partner, you may feel more and more like an outsider. It is hard to protest because, more than anyone else, you want to make sure that your partner is the centre of attention. But that doesn’t mean you have to be left out: it is vital for your child’s future that you are fully involved.

Your child will soon be able to tell how in touch you are. Remember there are lots of support networks available to help you and your child stay close.

You have exciting times ahead of you!